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Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" That he did, Father."The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"She says, He said, "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."And the Best for LastA drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"This one is compliments of Gary ... with thanks... Gentle thoughts for today.Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.A penny saved is a government oversight.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because. “three times”, I told her. She gave me a wide eyed surprised look. “lucky girl.” she said to me. Then I realized I missed one. “actually four times.” I told her. She hugs me. “You might just be ruined.” she said to me. “ I mean, ruined for normal guys, for Jeremy.” she continued as she looked into my eyes. I began to ponder that thought. As I’m contemplating the ramifications of this encounter the garage door opened and out came Jeron. He walked towards us.“You dog.” Trev says to Jeron. “taking advantage of this poor innocent girl.” Jeron gave the cutest innocent expression, “wasn’t me. She’s the one that invited me up to bed with her.” He said. I gave him a playful angry eyed glance. “Yeah to sleep.” I said, “not to take advantage of me.” I said. “Oh you’re a wolf in sheep's clothing.” Jeron responded. “How is that?” i asked him giving him another playful dirty look.“Well if you must know.” Jeron starts. “You’re the one that turned that fantastic ass towards me, like I could resist.
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